Observe yourself and your behaviour. How many actions you do out of your wish and how many because you feel situation compelled you? Most of the time answer will be later one.
It is easy to blame the situation which compelled you to take some steps. But was it forced upon you or you are one who chose the reaction? You can only differentiate if you pay very close attention.
With little focus you will see that if you have been given a chance to handle the same situation again, probably you will come up with a better way to handle it. Why this better way doesn't strike in the first place?
We all are hard wired with some beliefs which produces a hard wired reaction to a situation by default. If you lose all control, your default reaction will always be the same. But if you want to override it some different reaction, you have to pause and remind yourself not to go with default but something different.
If you pay attention, you will be able to break your default pattern of response and create a new one. To create new results you have to try new ways.